Marriages begin to go headlong into constant unhappiness when one or both spouses forget this fundamental fact: marriage makes people partners, not parts of each other that must be controlled and bossed over. Allah has created each of us to contribute in so many ways during our life on this earth and has blessed us with the potential to be all that He wants us to be. Be that amazing person who motivates, encourages and helps your spouse discover and use their God-given potential and traits to bloom and be a source of joy and mercy to the world.
Your relationship needs exclusive attention every single day. Now is it really that hard to give half an hour of your time everyday to the person who deserves it most? Ego is the defense mechanism of the lower self , and ego in marriage sounds like:. This is because the lower self is a covert enemy lurking within each and every one of us. Why ego is the biggest threat to a marriage is because it is an enemy from within. Ego is like a deceptive double agent that distorts reality and makes us deny and justify the wrongs that our lower selves commit towards our spouses, convincing us that we are right; while we are oppressing our own selves and our spouses and actually walking a path of humiliating self-destruction.
The Prophet said:. When he sees a fault in it, he should correct it. As a natural consequence, spouses stand the highest chance of facing our ego: the defensive wrath of our lower selves. But allowing your lower self to prevail in your marriage instead of seeing your marriage as a means to purify yourself is your own disastrous choice. Allah says in Surat Ash-Shams:. And inspired it [with discernment of] its wickedness and its righteousness. He has succeeded who purifies it, and he has failed who instills it [with corruption].
Our spouses actually personify the mercy of Allah when they mirror our flaws to us so we can rise above our lower selves. They make us discern our innermost weaknesses that we could not have seen for ourselves, and Allah has blessed us with them for our own spiritual purification and salvation. The next time your spouse is desperately trying to get something about yourself across to you:. Just listen. Listen carefully and objectively , especially if they have been repeating it for a very long time.
Realize how merciful Allah is being to you through your spouse. Try this 4-step exercise the next time you face conflict in your marriage. I am always in awe of the power of this extremely concise hadith, because it delivers three vital messages about the evil eye in one 5-word sentence:.
If you agree with point one, the second and third points just follow naturally. Muslim couples today are actually serving their marriages on exquisitely decorated social media platters for the evil eye to devour: not just the ceremony, but every single verbal and non-verbal marital exchange, meal, meeting, moment, mood and micro-second!
Not only is it unnecessary, it is highly insensitive. Happy Muslim couples do share their marital happiness, but sensibly.
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Before sharing anything about your marital life with the public, ask yourself:. Not putting your marriage in the way of the evil eye is the first way of protecting it from its harm. Reading the morning and evening adhkar , the duas prescribed for protection against the evil eye as well as constantly thanking Allah for your marriage and your spouse fortifies this protection immensely. One of them comes and says: I did so and so.
And he says: You have done nothing.
Then one amongst them comes and says: I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife. Shaytan perpetuates his whispers through their tongues, and you unwittingly believe them because they are your loved ones. And thus begins insane marital strife. You know those times when your spouse is just not being their normal self or getting ticked off by every little thing? Happy Muslim couples empathize with one another. It is only the way in which conflicts are managed that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other.
And it is all being recorded for a Day when He will be the Judge. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of Shaytan in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage. Are people thrown onto their faces in Hell for anything other than the harvest of their tongues? The humiliation and hurt inflicted by the tongue sows deep resentment and spite.
Indeed, Satan induces [dissension] among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy. Then put your concerns across as gently as possible because gentleness is far more likely to make your spouse see your point than lashing out at them. The Prophet said to Aisha :. She was one of the other guest speakers, a renowned author and a woman full of wisdom, and someone who was married for many more years than me. She said:. Indeed, as Allah said, in this beautiful relationship are signs for those who give thought.
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Dealing with debt is part of the challenge every couple faces from buying your forever home to paying the daily bills. But it does mean that your finances are inextricably linked. And it means you need a money system that supports the way that you live and helps you achieve your goals. From whether or not to change your name to the legal impact on you super, wills and other arrangements, your marriage will change many things.
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It really helped us to understand each other better and how we can improve on working through differences. Thank you so much! During the course, we really talked and we listened to each other more so than any other time we had spoken about money.
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- 1. They love each other for Allah’s sake.
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